Once again, she slings a slew of critical bullshit over in your direction.
Again, she’s angry.
Again, she’s blaming you.
For what?? Who fucking knows.
Was it because you tried to do the dishes but you ended up making too much noise and woke the kids?
Was it because you tried speaking her love language but apparently she’s got some obscure dialect only used by a far-off population of 400?
Was it because you took a few minutes for yourself to relax and she took that as an affront to how much she does and never gets to take a break?
Was it because you missed one detail and it ended up being the ONE thing that threw off everything, ever?
Was it because you’re just the continuous source of her disappointment and everything is your fault?
Was it because you just should’ve done a better job vetting her before you got married and knowing what you were getting yourself into?
Was it because you should have stayed with whats-her-face instead of dumping her way back when, and your life would be so much easier if you took that route instead?
Whatever it is; shield goes up, and you get some relief.
You’ve gotten really good at shutting her out when she gets her motor going. This has been going on for years so you could say you have a little bit of experience when it comes to tuning her out.
She just keeps yammering on and you hang around so it looks like you’re listening to her, but don’t worry – eventually she’ll storm off anyways and everything will be fine and you’ll be out of the woods.
Is she fucking gone yet?
Yes? Oh, good.
Give it about 3-5 business days and the two of you will be “back to normal” like nothing happened.
You know: normal. As in, still no sex.
Normal as in: roommates raising kids.
Normal as in: boring ass conversations about groceries and homework.
…until the next thing triggers her. Whatever that may be.
At least the kids still love you… for now.
With all her constant belittling you’re starting to worry they might believe her one day.
But for now, they still take your hugs and your kisses and still want to play with you when you have the time.
FUCK.
You’re keeping your cool on the outside, but on the inside you’re riled up and don’t want to be in the house right now.
You grab your keys and make up some bullshit so you can pretend you weren’t leaving because she just tore you up.
You holler up the staircase: “I gotta get some… tape” – and then you close the door behind you,
trying not to slam it too loudly,
artfully balancing the illusion that she hasn’t fazed you.
It’s about the equivalent of hanging up on someone with your iPhone versus the touchtone handset you grew up with.
FINALLY. FREEDOM.
You pick up something from the drive thru and pull into a parking spot, facepunching an upsized angus burger and fry combo you know you didn’t want or need.
Who are you kidding? This is not freedom.
NOT EVEN CLOSE.
Sitting in the parking lot trying to avoid the wrath of the shrew you’ve married.
Voluntarily kicked yourself out your OWN castle that YOU’VE fucking built.
Done EVERYTHING for her. Given her EVERYTHING.
She’s great with the kids, she’s amazing when she wants to be, things between the two of you are okay at times if you play your cards flawlessly, but FUCK!!!!!
How is it that you can do everything she asks, and it’s never enough?
How she dismisses and diminishes your efforts regardless of how many times you’ve served and stepped up?
As many times as you’ve tried to get her to change, she doesn’t think anything is wrong.
So it’s all on you.
You’ve come to the grave realization:
you actually don’t know what to do next.
Because of this, you feel like you’re living a lie.
You’re successful everywhere else –
you make good money,
you’ve got some great friends,
people like you at work,
people think you’re funny,
and at times you even get attention from other women that’s a little more than just a friendly hello.
So WHY is it that the one woman you WANT the attention from, just WON’T give it to you?
Because now, as much as people think you’re the man everywhere else, you feel like a castrated shithead the second you pull into the driveway.
You don’t dare reveal to anyone what you’re going through – except for one of your closest buddies who, unfortunately, has failed to crack the code himself.
You can’t even go to your Dad –
because as much as he tried to protect you and hide it all –
he’s in the same damned boat.
And neither of you have a compass nor communication to get back to shore.
This is not the legacy he had in mind for you.
He dreaded the day you end up just like him.
Married and miserable.
You look around at other guys with their hot wives,
enjoying life,
probably getting blown on a regular basis,
being APPRECIATED for what they do for their family,
and RESPECTED for who they are as a husband, as a man, as a human.
THEY got it right.
THEY picked the right one.
Right?
Wrong.
You knew she was the right one because you carefully considered everything before you asked her to marry you.
You DID vet her. For years.
You DID choose correctly.
How do I know?
Because you made a vow before God and all your most loved ones to hold and cherish this beautiful woman for all the days of your life.
You would NOT enter into a contract like that with some flavor of the week – she was THE ONE.
I’d have you consider that she still IS the one.
It’s just that major changes have happened in your life – most likely the birth of your children, a complicated issue, or an extreme shift that has derailed your expectations of what you had planned for the next 50 years.
And because of these changes, you AND your wife have developed habits, and made automatic decisions on a minute-by-minute basis that led you to the path you’re on now.
It wasn’t bad luck that your marriage is the way it is.
It was a series of bad choices, day after day, year after year.
Choices that you had no idea you were making.
And how could you? You didn’t have the tools, the wisdom, the knowledge to know any better.
No one could teach you.
So as many family vacations you try to take, as many grand gestures and dollars spent to show how much you really care – it is never going to make a big enough dent to throw off this imprinting and conditioning of how you have been showing up for her as a MAN.
Not as a chorewhore,
not as a nanny,
not as a sugardaddy,
not as a BOY.
As a MAN.
And because you haven’t pulled it off with HER for so long, she’s been on the attack –
– just BEGGING for you to unleash that part of you.
The part she knows is there.
The part she CHOSE and bet her life on that he would be there always and forever, no matter what.
No matter who she became.
No matter how much of herself she let out.
No matter how messy it was.
She trusted that he would be able to handle her, and still love her like the first time he laid eyes on her.
Let’s be honest:
YOU. GOT. SCARED.
You got scared of who she was capable of being.
You got scared of who YOU could be.
You got scared you would terrify her if you let all of yourself out.
So you continue to play small in the one place she’s pleading for you to RISE.
And society isn’t making it any easier on you.
It hasn’t done you any favours in giving you permission to step up.
Instead it gets branded as:
toxic masculinity,
narcissism,
mental abuse,
and patriarchal oppression.
FUCKING BUZZ WORDS.
Your masculinity is at the mercy of a bunch of angry, lying vampires.
This IS the new pandemic – sweeping the globe teaching women that it’s alright to slash their husbands at the knees to “even the score” and punish him for not being able to run.
“I can run fine, why can’t you? What good are you if you can’t run??”
NO.
THAT DOESN’T FLY WITH ME.
So much has been working against you, so give yourself some grace.
Find it in your heart to forgive yourself.
There’s so much you didn’t know, so much you didn’t have access to, so much working against you.
You didn’t know how to navigate her emotions with skill and power.
You didn’t know how to communicate what you truly wanted without causing damage.
You didn’t have permission to be you.
You did what you had to do to keep yourself from imploding.
You’ve come all that way to now make a decision.
Will you keep buying the story that you were sold so long ago?
That the ball is in her court?
That if she doesn’t do the work, nothing’s going to change?
That you should’ve just chosen better?
None of those stories get you what you want.
And that’s all they are, stories.
What would be possible if you had the tools to wake you up to the truth, every single day?
To be able to see things from her perspective and make better decisions about what you say and do?
What would be possible if you were able to FEEL your wife, and show up for her in a way that she’s always wanted?
What would be possible if you had someone to guide you through this monumental pivot,
and had eyes and ears to course correct and keep you on track?
If you’ve read this far, and you have a visceral feeling of being seen, and heard and understood – you might be asking yourself how I did that.
I can do that because I KNOW YOU.
I know you because I watched you as I was growing up.
I watched you try as hard as you could and still not live up to her standards.
I watched you get PUMMELLED and STEAMROLLED regardless of how good your intentions were.
I watched you feeling defeated as you struggled to make sense of what she was thinking.
I’ve watched you in pain and moments of regret – crashing up against the wall she’s put up.
Unable to breach it.
Unable to find your way around it.
Settling for the parts of her she’ll let you have.
I know YOU.
And I know HER.
Because I watched her too.
I watched her and when I almost became her –
I RECOGNIZED IT.
I UNDERSTOOD IT.
I was face to face with her and I said:
“NO FUCKING WAY.”
Not in MY house.
And I worked on myself to make SURE that I did not become HER.
Because I knew SHE was capable of creating something I did not want.
I knew the pain and distruction that would cause.
And I knew I could do something about it.
So when you look at your wife and you don’t understand what the fuck is going on,
I DO.
Because I fought a WAR with her.
I fight a war with her every day.
I attack that part of me every.single.day.
And I’ve entered a soul contract to make sure that SHE doesn’t take over.
I couldn’t speak up when I was a kid. I couldn’t do anything about it as a kid.
I had no right, no authority – just like a surgeon cannot operate on their own family.
But there’s no way that I’m going to stand off to the side now and let that happen to you.
There’s no way that you’ve found me now, that I will let you continue to live in this pain.
THAT’S what I’m here to do.
That is WHY I’ve been put on this path.
What would be possible, if someone like THAT had your back?
What if you were guided to transformation on a daily basis?
What if you uncovered the parts of you you’ve been suppressing for so long – without guilt, without shame –
free to become YOU…
and having your wife WELCOME that man with open arms…
…and legs.
What if AS you were rising, and when she decided she was ready: she ALSO had support so that she wasn’t left behind?
What if there was someone who had HER back too? To facilitate HER growth as well?
Someone who had BOTH of your best interests in rising as a couple.
As a team.
As soulmates.
Luckily for you:
I am that bridge.
I am that answer.
I am that guide.
This is possible.
And it’s possible for you if you’re willing to face the truth and do the work required.
It won’t be easy, and it’s not for the faint of heart.
But it is simple.
You will be weighed,
you will be measured.
It’s up to you if you will be found wanting.
You can do this.
In many ways, you have no choice.
You can either take action now,
… or later – which is exactly what she would expect you to do.
- If you’re looking for a solid framework that holds you accountable to your growth and effortlessly tracks your progress along all areas of Body, Being, Balance, and Business,
- If you’re looking for someone with the map and experience to walk through the darkness with you as you tackle this monumental undertaking,
- If you’re looking for someone who can translate the lost messages and broken communication between you and your Wife,
- If you’re looking for someone who has actually achieved the RESULTS AND FRUIT of an honest, passionate, playful, connected and on fire marriage,
who is THRIVING after infant loss,
who is THRIVING after being raised in a high-control church,
who is THRIVING after decades of insecurities, feelings of unworthiness and self-loathing,
who does NOT carry a PhD but instead carries over a decade of personal turmoil-to-triumph transformation guided by some of the world’s most potent mentors…
HERE’S YOUR SIGN.
Let’s go, we’ve got fucking work to do.
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